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  Manisha Lakhe

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Nothing will prepare you for Ready

If you thought Salman Khan is on a roll with Dabangg, then please kill yourself before you see Ready. Because Anees Bazmee hits a new low with Ready. It is n …

Nothing will prepare you for Ready

If you thought Salman Khan is on a roll with Dabangg, then please kill yourself before you see Ready. Because Anees Bazmee hits a new low with Ready. It is not as loud as Priyadarshan's slap happy De Dana Dan or Bazmee’s own Short Kut - The Con Is On or Welcome, and thank goodness for small mercies, but it is worse, because it puts you in a state of catatonic shock. Your jaw refuses to clamp shut, your muscles are rigid - refusing to propel you to the nearest exit gate, and your brain, though alive, is so devoid of any activity that you do not wish to test whether it has given up hope or crushed that part of your heart that is a fan of Salman Khan. Ready for the truth? Tees Maar Khan is Mother India when compared to this drivel offered by Anees Bazmee. Salman Khan is the chiraag of the Kapoor Khandaan made up of Ram Laxman and Bharat and when the movie starts, the runaway bride thing seems like a great idea and we actually like the repartee between Asin and Khan.



Spoke too soon! Even if you ignore Mahesh Manjrekar’s double entendre with rude gestures, ‘woh ho jaata hai’ you will find yourself staring at the screen at the awful mamajis and the other relatives that seem to be suffering from a bad hair day, you cannot get over the fact that this movie offers you sketches instead of a single story, and that Salman Khan is inserted in the rubbishy sketches just to remind us how much fun Dabangg was.



You want to laugh at the lines, you want to cheer at the fights, you want to jump into the illogic, you want to get turned on by Salman, you want to not remember the deo ads Asin appears in, you want to forget that they did not care enough for the audience to hide street signs in Thai (they call it India), you want to likeParesh Rawal, you want to forget that the stylist has ruined your mental picture of the beautiful Anuradha Patel for ever, and you end up wondering where Salman's gorgeous shirts came from...



All this because the movie never really takes off, never really goes OTT (over the top) to be a comedy, neither does it manage to push the envelope with the dialog to make you guffaw. The deepest the film takes you is mediocrity, with Salmanhamming the lines as though the director was absent from the scene. The songs created a hoopla when they appeared on TV, but they do nothing, nothing at all to make you want to even tap your feet in the theater. In fact, Zarine Khan who looks like a ridiculous ample-sample type addition to the suggestive song ‘Character dheela hai’ is the best bit about the movie.



Enough said. Salman and co. were so drunk on the success of Dabaang that they failed to realise the silliness of the story and the incompetency of the director. I would suggest you donate the ticket money to Salman’s charity and be done with it. Nothing will prepare you for the drivel that is Ready.