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  Manisha Lakhe

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GROUNDHOG DAY AT CID

Everything is mysterious, the face of the killer is in the dark, the movie action is mostly at night, good ops as well as bad cops tell you at least twenty times, ‘Saboot ikattha karo’, ‘Jaao kate huye haath, tang aur various body parts jo usne chipaye hain yaa dafnaa diye haindhoond ke nikaalo’, the music plays mysterious notes even when the heroine …

GROUNDHOG DAY AT CID

Everything is mysterious, the face of the killer is in the dark, the movie action is mostly at night, good ops as well as bad cops tell you at least twenty times, ‘Saboot ikattha karo’, ‘Jaao kate huye haath, tang aur various body parts jo usne chipaye hain yaa dafnaa diye haindhoond ke nikaalo’, the music plays mysterious notes even when the heroine is slowly removing her ba.

In fact the music is so mysterious that I expected her to have three titties like the Martian woman in star trek or the comic book in the movie Paul. That coupled with Emraan Hashmi’s kissing ability did sidetrack me a tad, but then the heroine got boring. She wants him to love her, be emotionaly indebted to her, to want forever and a day with her. You groan, your mind flashing to You Tube vdeos of Bullet For My Valentine (Tears Don’t Fall http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sTQ0QdkN3Q ) where the director lifts the seduction in the car scene. And you’ll be happy to note Emraan saying, ‘Mera rastaa alag, tumhara raasta alag’ ‘cos that’s exactly what you want to do to this film.



TUMHARA RASTA ALAG, MERA ALAG

When you are forced to see same old same old scenes:a. mysterious guy bainless enough to call some chick supplier for chicks.b. chick supplier who is worried because chicks did not come back cannot fathom that after a certain mysterious person calls, the chicks disappear.c. Emraan Hashmi takes up the job but seems to be in no hurry to do it. he drive around in a beat up car, makes love to the heroine, drives aroud some more and then suddenly remembers that he has a job to do.d, cops find some other bodies, search for legit missing women.e. but it’s Christmas, so the cops decide to bury the case

Repeat. Not once but again and again until well after the interval, each time showing more than a bit of the villain. Sigh. And the villain’s back story is so trite and boring you wish you had Centauran Slugs from Star Trek (slugs that wiggle and eat their way out of any dark space they are inserted in, usually the ear) to liven his hamming up a bit.



Or maybe you wish they would insert Pi Loon from Once Upon a Time In Mumbai just because the love/lust story in the song is so much nicer than the fake scenes here. And yes, the songs are nothing like the previous hits we have seen in Emraan Hashmi movies. And yes, the song loops through the movie too. So much so that you start ignoring it like the alaap/refrain in the Saas Bhi Kabhi Bhu Thee type soaps on TV

Would really have been fun had they shown the heroine with three...



ALL IS NOT LOST

Since most of you may have already bought tickets to the movie, I suggest you watch Yana Gupta do her thing in that item number. I mean really watch it. One is so blase about item numbers that one tends to check one’s Twitter feed or begin to delete marketing message from your phone. Not this one. She makes you sit up, and turn beetroot red because she is so, so... slithery. She is snake woman, fluid in her moves. And then you realise that everyone is squirming in their seats, reacting to her whether they like it or not.



My jaws needed collecting from the ground too. She is beautiful, stunningly so in her item girl clearance bin outfit. Her moves are so good that you don’t remember the song she’s mouthing. And wooo-hah! There are moves that could qualify her in the gymnastics team. And the judges would watch her in some awe as well. Which sort of made me want to employ her to teach suburban housewives a course on ‘How to save your marriage’

After you have seen that, everything else pales. So why stay on and earn a headache with the repetitive story? Sign in to another social network, find out the nearest place to party with your friends and leave Murder 2...